i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize