brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
