I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
