after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
