u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk is not a location!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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