I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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