We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
