Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
