What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
