dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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