evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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