He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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