Little spoons don't ask big questions
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
