put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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