Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
