You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
