i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
