her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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