in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
