And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize