I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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