i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
