ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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