you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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