I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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