Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
