and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
