dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
