worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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