Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
