I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
