My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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