Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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