every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
