Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
