Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize