quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
