she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
