I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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