Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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