I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
