My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
