I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
