When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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