Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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