Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
