the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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