now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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