Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
