he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
