flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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