Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
