His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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