Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
