weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
