I am in a vortex of obligation.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
