I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
