I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
