i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
