Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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