they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
