I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
