Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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