I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Barsexuality is the new black.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
