i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
